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Push Away (ft. Biawanna)

by des hume

supported by
Mickel
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Colin Ablitt
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Kym Pop
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Jacob Piedra
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/

about

I recently turned 30 which, along with all the usual hangups of entering a new decade, symbolically brought an end to the most turbulent chapter I’ve had in my life. I wrote this song in the last months of my 20s, and it kind of sums up everything that I’d been holding onto. Long term relationships ended in spectacular fashion, a person I truly loved died in the prime of her life, my mental health deteriorated to the lowest it’s ever been and through all this I became deeply lonely and tried to fix everything with music and finding love.

Most of the music I’d written prior to this period was blue in some ways, but ultimately hopeful. ‘Push Away’ is the antithesis to that, but through all the haze it absolutely slaps. Most of that is thanks to Biawanna, one of the most talented people I know, who filled in the voids and made it more than a pity party. Together, it’s the sound of two lonely queer people realizing love isn’t always the answer. It's sad, but you can - and should - dance to it.

lyrics

i wish that i could love somebody new
but i don't know if i can trust again
you went and ripped me into two
and i don't think i can recover
not even if i wanted to
not even if a gentle heart could take me in
(would i even know what to do?)
i'm better off alone i

push away, push away
love
you know i push away, push away
love

you and me we haven't got it
you can't see my point of view
don't want to be your perfect lover
just make me cry inside my room and
i don't want your body
but i hate to think of you with someone new
if a gentle heart could take me in
would i even know what to do?

because i
push away, push away
love
you know i
push away, push away
love

you need somebody
you need somebody
you need some body but
that body aint me

push away, push away
love
you know i push away, push away
love

credits

released July 19, 2019
Recorded at home by des hume and Biawanna.
Mastered by Andrew Yong Hoon Lee in Brooklyn, NY.

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des hume Vancouver, British Columbia

The des hume initiative is a for-profit organization dedicated to researching utopian social dynamics.

Join us. We have been waiting for you.
welcome@deshume.org

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