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October Song

by des hume

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about

October is a weird month for me. I love everything about the season, but for whatever reason every significant loss that I've experienced over my adult life has occurred in the fall, and usually within the same calendar month. In 2018/2019 I experienced back to back losses of people I loved, from unforeseen and seemingly meaningless circumstances that I still struggle to understand. Death just..happened. There wasn't a digestible explanation for it. There's just vacancies in me now.

I think a lot of people are feeling the same way now with COVID, watching unvaccinated relatives pass away alone in ICU's as a result of misinformation and blind stubbornness. It's hard enough to lose someone you love, but it's especially crushing when you can see how preventable the outcome was. I didn't write the song with that in mind, but as I've been listening to the song lately it feels prescient. Grief is concentrated in the air right now, and we haven't had the breathing room to sit with it.

lyrics

Here's all the things I know are true
You'll spend more time in waiting rooms
With fingers crossed than you'd like to
There's nothing you can do
And someone that you love will die
From circumstances you will find
Are meaningless, and it's not right
But no one picks their time

I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you
I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you

You'll never read all of the books
You stack in corners, stuff in nooks
Some mysteries go overlooked
There's never enough time
Your teenage self may think you'll be
Looking back on some legacy
But day by day it seems to me
It's fine just getting by

I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you
I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you

I wanna cum
I wanna break all of my fingers one by one
I wanna tear off all my clothes
And run in circles round
The parking lot
Whatever keeps me blind
To every sign
That indicates
The best days are behind

I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you
I'm just being honest
(Honest, Honest, Honest, Honest)
With you

credits

released October 1, 2021

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des hume Vancouver, British Columbia

The des hume initiative is a for-profit organization dedicated to researching utopian social dynamics.

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